I've known all along that the day would come. The day when Kate would first hear that she didn't grow in my tummy, but someone else's.
I know that some adoptive parents talk about the whole story from day one. We certainly have not hidden anything from Kate, but we've only talked about the "going get to get you in China" part and answered questions that maybe arose from those conversations. We celebrate Gotcha Day and she's heard the word and the story of her adoption, but there have never been any discussions of a 'birth mother' or 'Chinese mommy' that I know some other adoptive children hear very early on. It just hadn't come up and never felt like the right time to bring it up.
Until tonight. Kate was getting out of the bath tub and we were putting her lotion on. She does her tummy and I do her back. She wanted to know what belly buttons were for.
That should be easy enough to answer. Except I got a bit of a lump in my throat. To those of you who know me well....No, I did not cry! :) I might cry while typing this, but in the bathroom, I was the picture of calm.
So as nonchalantly as possible, I told her it was for when a baby is in the mother's tummy they are connected by a cord and so on. And sure enough, she said "When I was in your tummy?" I simply told her she grew in another lady's tummy in China. Kate wanted to know what her name was and I told her we don't know. She kept asking questions so I ended up pretty much explaining the whole thing about that lady couldn't keep her and she stayed in a safe place until we could go and get her.
I'm glad it happened the way it did. At home, not in the car while I was driving, no body else around and without any tears on my part. That itself is a blessing straight from God! Adoption has two extreme sides to it. Pure joy on one end (at least for us, I know sometimes that is not the case), and such heartbreak on the other. I certainly don't want Kate to see me blubbering about it like I have reason to be sad. Someday she'll understand the heartbreaking part, but until then I want her to see the joy and blessing of it. How God saved her, in two ways, and how wonderful His plan for her is. I want her to be so convinced of the goodness of God and His plan that when she does understand the sad parts, that she'll be okay with it. This is my prayer for Kate.